“It worries me to see my son like this”, Shristi said. He is aggressive and stubborn. Even though I give him all the comforts and luxuries that money can buy, he is still unhappy and ungrateful. What do I do to change that? Parenting woes we hear these days. Mindful Parenting is not for the weak hearts, they say.
As a society, our main focus is to give values and teach good behaviour to our children. But do we realise what influences a child’s behaviour?
The children do not misbehave, they re-
enact what they see and absorb from their environment.
Us parents are the role models for our children. Our behaviour has the most significant impact on child development.
Research shows significant effects of the physical environment (home, school etc) on a child’s cognitive and socio-emotional development.
So, Are you aware of what are you passing on to your child?
We are all humans learning to be better parents every day. So, try not to judge yourself hard.
Let’s hear about the most common slips (of course unknowingly) we make as a parent.
Observe those slips and ask yourself what would a mindful parent do.
Most Common Parenting Fails and How to fix them
1. “ The Always Busy” Parent
Swamped in our busy roles of doing, doing and more doing. Whether we are at work or at home. Sometimes, answering our phone calls or on the laptop making office presentations. If nothing else then watching TV. As parents, we are forever busy.
What our children see – is a stressed parent. Someone who doesn’t know how to relax. Someone who is not content and satisfied with the present moment.
Doing nothing and sitting idle can make many adults uncomfortable. Then why do we wonder if our children are hyperstimulated by their surroundings? Always wanting more and more. Never ever satisfied with what they have.
Let me explain by an example: Trips to the toy shop is stressful for you because the child wants to buy all the toys that they fancy. When asked to keep some back, the child throws huge tantrums. They want it all irrespective of overflowing toy cupboards at home.
What would a Mindful Parent do?
Teach yourself to take a pause. Enjoy the simple things with your children like going to a picnic or reading a book or cycling. This tells the child that we don’t need things to make us happy. Creating memories by doing simple things can elevate our life too.
2. “The Multi-Tasking” Parent
Are you always rushing for things? Meeting deadlines? Juggling social and business commitments? With no time to listen to your child? Even when you do, you zone out? Your mind is so busy that you are not able to listen to your child or family?
What would a Mindful Parent do?
In this age of multitasking – undivided attention, listening to people and deep conversations are rare gifts.
Pay full attention to the task or conversation at hand.
When the child talks – LISTEN to them. Be the parent who knows the art of listening.
By doing this you are showing the child how to listen and why is it important.
3. “The Reactive and Angry” Parent
In our busy lives, it’s easy to react to the triggers that come our way. Whether it’s a traffic jam or someone slashed your car or you lost your mobile phone. A trigger can be big or small.
It doesn’t matter whose mistake or fault it is, what matters is how you react to it.
Your child is observing your reaction and non-reaction both, each moment. Your reaction has a serious consequence, which leaves a bigger and deeper impact on your child’s mind.
Even if you don’t say a word, the energy of your reaction, anger and frustration floats in the household’s environment.
Children feed on that energy. They learn to react to small triggers. They react the way we do when things don’t go our way or when we are not comfortable with a certain outcome.
What would a Mindful Parent do?
Be in awareness of your triggers and identify the emotion. How does it make you feel! Once you learn to deal with the underlying emotion, you are in better control of yourself. It radiates from your persona and child imbibes the same thing.
4. ” The Break your own Rules” Parent
You don’t have a right to preach and expect from others, what you don’t practice yourself.
The reality is – we are workaholics, emotionally off-balance and lead unhealthy lifestyles. We give in to temptations and distractions easily.
Isn’t it unfair that we expect our children to be self-disciplined and lead a balanced life?
What would a Mindful Parent do?
If you ask the child to leave his iPad (because he is spending too much time on it) then you put away your phone first. Invite him to go cycling with you, crack some jokes along the way. Make it fun for him. Possibilities are very high that he will happily put away his video game in the future, for that special time with you.
5. “The Nagging and Lecturing” Parent
Nagging, criticising and lecturing disconnects the children from the parent. No one likes to hear about their drawbacks and endless lectures on top of that.
What would a Mindful Parent do?
Love them without conditions. The child will excel when given that love and support. Numerous studies and researches show the positive effects of unconditional love on child development.
Something to remember
Lead by Example!
As a parent, focus on your behaviour. It sets a very good example for your child. And take care of yourself. Take it easy and have fun raising your child.
Create a happy, safe and nurturing environment at home. This lays the foundation for a self-assured, happy and a content child.
Click here to read our blog on another crucial parenting aspect.
Let us know in the comment section below which parenting tip are you going to start following.